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| zak broke up with me today. i couldn't stop crying on my way home from work. after everything. after everything. i won't sleep tonight, i can't. i'm at my parents right now. sleepless. doing laundry. doing homework. watching tv. i'm helpless. i'm alone. how i wish my love, we could go back to the first day we met. to the first time you told me you loved me. so then we both could realize what we had was so special. then we would have never given up. i still won't give up. i wish you wouldn't have so easy. | | |
| Everything changes so fast.
I have spent the past few months trying to get in tune with what I want from life, and not what other people want me to do. This involves doing things that I want. Doing things that make me happy. Being with people that don't talk shit about me, or don't lie to me, people that I know love me. Which honestly, is like two people I can think of right now.
Sometimes, I'm tired of feeling/being alone. Though, I know every person must go through being alone in order to be truly with someone. I'm trying really hard to grow up and make grown up decisions. However, I find myself going back to how old Rachel used to be. The drinking, the drugs. I'm not sure what this is telling me, if me finding truth in myself means going back to how I used to be. I have managed to not drink or do drugs in quite sometime, but the temptations are still there.
It doesn't matter.
Oh and I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the first time since I watched it with Zak that night. I cried for so long.
It's heartbreaking.
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| i think the only thing im looking forward to right now is the yummy tacos my dad is currently making downstairs. i can't wait to eat them. that's all ive done is eat tacos. i love them. so much better than any other food. cept maybe broccoli. bah.
everything has been...going. school started back up and i'm trying really hard. i got an a on my last math test. very nice!
work is work. fun. because i love the people i work with.
i guess zak has been talking badly about me to lexi. which, any other time i guess i could tolerate, but it confuses me because he is trying to be good to me then he talks about me? i don't get it. it hurts my feelings. can't people stop trying to make me unhappy? god. let me live my life.
let us all live our fucking lives.
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| welp. i dont even know where to begin anymore. so. i just won't say a word.
i'm not sure where things have been going. and i'm not sure what i'm going to do anymore.
so.
i won't do anything.
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| sigh. fuck life. no really, fuck my life.
fuck the people that make me feel bad about myself.
fuck the people who fuck me over.
fuck mcdonalds for making me work 41 hours this week.
fuck the boy who thinks that he can sneak shit behind my back, and then tells me that he loves me.
fuck being drunk man. seriously.
FUCK insecurity. the most. FUCK IT.
i didn't sleep last night, im having doubts, about everything in my life.
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